When the Rose Quartz Heart on the roof of the shed was not yet a month old, and I had accustomed myself to meditating in a chair where the angle of the roof and heart intersected my heart chakra, I determined to perform a life changing meditative ritual there.
I had been studying different types of energy work for some time, all with the idea of improving my life, my path, and the lives of others at the same time. Ambitious stuff. I was pretty pleased with my learned bag of tricks.
The evening of my great plan for self improvement came, I got situated in the redwood chair, and entered into the process of connecting with what I thought I knew a lot about.
And I really did it. I focused on all my shortcomings, fears, hangups, blockages, and anything else I could think of, and sent them all away. Away to the Light, to Progression, to the Great Recycler, to the Forge from which all is wrought, to the West; all of that.
And I felt great. Light. Relieved. A bit too proud of myself.
By the time I went to bed later that night, I had just a touch of queasiness. In the morning it was gnarly angst in the solar area. By noon I was in a state of anxiety that precluded hunger. By about 2 in the afternoon, I was practically beside myself, though I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually leave my body. By the end of work, I was desperately wanting to return to the Heart engine to do whatever… I know it sounds ridiculously melodramatic, but I had let the academic concept of suicide waltz through my distorted thoughts. Didn’t come anywhere close, but it popped into my head as a “solution” to the misery I was in.
Back in the chair before the roof heart, I again went into a meditative state. Quickly.
I had only one question,”What did I do wrong?” The answer came as clearly as any voice I have ever heard in my “head”: ” You are grieving those intimate aspects of yourself which you have dismissed without love.” That was the the WHOLE message.
See, I had left out the only ingredient that makes ANYTHING work – and right in front of The Love Grounding Engine. Duh.
So to end this briefly; I called “everyone” back, comforted them, loved them (I was really crying), told them how much they meant to me in bringing me to this point of self discovery, told them how much I cared that they had done their job and that I now wanted the best for them, and sent them off again.
It worked very well. It’s not that I don’t get return visits, but it’s no longer the same. It’s a new relationship with my old emotional bodies. They have no control that I don’t allow, and subsequently are more like old friends on the same long journey.
We can literally heal our own pains by shining compassionate love on them. This is no different that disarming our “enemies” with sincere love. Like it or not, they are part of us too.